Kwal :)

And life keeps moving on...

2009-11-02T19:55:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe that it's November already! Life is flying by but I'm loving everyday of it. I'm enjoying this season of my life and attempting to balance that with planning for the future. I still have moments when I forget how close graduation is. I have so many options and there are so many unknowns, I'm learning to trust God more and more with the little things and big things. As for this upcoming summer, I really want to go to Africa. I've emailed and called the GJV office to talk to someone about my application but no one has gotten back with me yet. If that doesn't pan out, I will definitely go to Haiti! Whatever happens, I am trusting that God knows me better than I do, and that all of the promises He's made to me and over me will come to pass! He is faithful and so true and I choose to live like I believe that with everything I am. It's hard sometimes to not feel completely overwhelmed and crazy when I think about everything that I need to do and everything that will change. I just need to continually fill my mind and surround myself with His promises and His word. I'm definitely excited to see where God leads!!! :)

Soo many decisions...

2009-10-11T22:30:00.002-04:00

I'm graduating in April! That's only a few months away and I'm getting anxious about what my life will look like after college. Will I stay in Jacksonville? Go straight to grad school? Get into the GJV program and go to Africa? Will I even me able to find a social work job or will I be stuck at Publix forever? If I do go to grad school, what should I study? What about student loans? Will I even get a respectable score on the GRE? Will I eventually drive myself crazy with all these questions? :)

At this stage in my life, I'm learning how to trust God's leading and His timing. I have lots of ideas about stuff I want to do but I'm not sure what the best path is to get there. I don't want to stay here out of fear and I don't want to move away just because that's the thing to do after college. I don't want to do anything out of fear and I don't want to do anything out of complacency. I don't want to do anything just to do it. I want to have a life of purpose. So far, my that purpose, besides serving Jesus, has been school. I've been a student-in that transitional stage of semi-adulthood. Now that I can see life after school, it's exciting but really scary. Yes, I know, I can be anything I want to be, but that's a lot of options. Sometimes too many options can feel as suffocating as too few options. Don't get me wrong, I would prefer too many over too few, but I'm still stuck on what to do.

My heart is pulled in so many directions-poverty, human trafficking, hunger, slavery, children, teenage mothers, domestic violence victims...I know God will lead me and guide me, I just wish I knew more of what he was doing :)

I mailed my application to go to Africa two weeks ago, I really, really, really, really, really hope and pray that I get in!!!

How are we living?

2009-07-29T11:03:00.003-04:00

"Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 19:19

This verse has been wrecking me lately. It's a verse I've heard countless times but this past week, it's been seriously on my heart.

Whenever I can't get something off my mind/heart, especially scripture, I start to pray about it hardcore. This blog is basically what I heard Jesus saying to me :)

This verse is so fundamental, so basic, but do any of His followers actually do it? If we really believe that Jesus has truly called us to the ends of the earth, the neighbor Matthew 19:19 talks about includes every other person on the planet. What a huge number of people to extend the love of Christ to! What an awesome privilege it is to join in the redemptive work begun by our Father God, what an amazing responsibility we have as His children.

Can we honestly say that our life is more important than the lives of the 6 billion other people on the planet? As people who claim to follow Jesus, we would never openly admit that, but do our actions say otherwise? Right now, there are millions of people around the world who are suffering and crying out for help. Psalm 34:18 says that God is near to the brokenhearted. He hears their cries. As people who claim to follow Jesus, shouldn't we pay attention to their cries too? Shouldn't we act on their behalf?

If I was an orphan, I would want someone to take me in. If I was in slavery, I would want to be set free. If I was sick, I would want medicine to make me well. If I was hungry, I would want food. If I was cold, I would want clothes. If I was lonely, I would want someone to visit me.

All around us, there are people who are crying out for all those things and more. God has called His people to love them. He's called us not only to love them but He has called us to love them like we love ourselves. That's a lot of love to extend and it's the kind of love that requires action on behalf of those who are hurting.

There is so much work to do. In Luke 10, Jesus says that "the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few." We, as followers of Jesus, need to rise up and get started on the work that He has called us to.

Entering my 3rd decade of life...

2009-07-20T20:28:00.002-04:00

I turned 20 last week. It's almost surreal. I feel old but really young at the same time...yay craziness :)

So I'm graduating in May, only a few months away! My grad school plans are all up in the air and I'm just seeking God right now to know what to next. As far as next summer goes, I think I found out what I want to do. I was randomly on the UMC website and found an amazing missions program! I'd be going to a country, probably in Africa, for 6-8 weeks and work as a global justice volunteer. It's a really cool program and it's only $2,200! Lately I've been feeling a real pull towards mission work, but I'm not sure if it's supposed to be in this country or abroad. I'm trusting that God will show me the steps to take and when to take them in His timing.

As far as grad school goes, I'm pretty sure I want to go the social work route and get my MSW. I think it's the best option to do all the things I could see myself doing. So for now I'm studying for the GRE and working on my application to be a Global Justice Volunteer. I'm excited to see where God leads :)

I never have good ideas for these titles...:)

2009-06-12T22:03:00.002-04:00

I'm really bad about this whole blogging thing :)

So this summer has been interesting.

I know that I'm in a time of preparation for the things God wants to do in my life. Lately, he's been speaking to me about my future, grad school, etc and I'm trying not to get too caught up with the future. Though I know there will be huge changes coming in about a year, there are changes that are happening now. There are changes and frustrations and preparation that I have to deal with now. It's can get overwhelming and scary. I'm being stretched and pulled and, in certain ways, tested in almost every area of my life. These past few weeks I've really had to seek God and his guidance on just how to get through the day glorifying him. I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out-the best way to bring glory to Jesus.

My life basically now is working at Publix and lately it's been pretty frustrating and annoying and all the other negative adjectives possible. I'm needing to discern whether this is because it could be time for me to move on or if it's just one of those times where I need to suck it up and deal with it. A lot of the time I'm at work and I feel like I should be doing something more productive for the Kingdom but other times I feel like being there is a way God has me being about his business...ahhh. I just need guidance and peace about a lot of things in my life right now.

If anyone actually reads this, would you pray for me? Thanks.

Yay Summer!

2009-05-15T22:19:00.002-04:00

This summer has been super full so far! I've been working lots and lots, which is great for my bank account (and my Amsterdam payments!), but it does get tiring. In between working 30 hours a week, Access stuff, volunteering at the food pantry plus hanging out with my family, I'm becoming more exhausted then I was during school! But it's all good...I'm having fun and making money :) I'm so excited about what the future holds and all God is doing in my life and in the lives of people around me! Yay!!! :)

Drawn to the Broken

2009-04-08T09:03:00.002-04:00

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and He saves the crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18

If God is with the broken, I think that's where I should be too. This verse has been heavy on my heart the past few weeks and it's been challenging me like crazy. I've been praying to have the eyes to see the broken and the hurting people around me and God has definitely answered that prayer. It's been a very stretching two weeks, for sure. Being near the broken and seeing their pain is really difficult for me. My heart aches for them and I have to fight the urge to walk away. I'm becoming okay with crying over their hurt...I think God's okay with me mourning with those who mourn and weeping with those who weep. After I mourn for what they've been through, I have to learn to stand with them and help them walk through the healing process. The process of healing is painful. Allowing God to go to those deep places that have been hidden and covered up with a smile for so long isn't exactly my idea of fun. This type of pain is worth it though; it's the fruitful kind, the kind that leads to healing and freedom and restoration. My heart longs for the people God has put in my path to begin to live in that healing He so longs to give. God isn't near the broken to just be there, He is there to bring healing and hope. I want God to fill me up so much that He overflows from me, that His words of healing will flow from my mouth and that His love with surround everyone I encounter. My prayer is that healing and hope will spring up among the broken. Just like the valley of dry bones in Ezekiel, I pray that the dead will come to life, that those who are in bondage to their past will break free and begin to live a life of freedom. I know my God is more than able, but His people must be ready to stand in the gap and intercede for the broken. They must be ready to encounter the pain and point them to the Father with words of hope and love.

Remembering

2009-03-17T11:23:00.002-04:00

"Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress."
1 Timothy 4:14-15

It is so easy to forget things. Days go by, life gets crazy and full and while I'm loving my life, I forget the most important things. I forget the promises God has made to me, I forget the direction He has given me and I forget the gifts He has told He has given me. It's not that I mean to forget them, they just get drowned out. Maybe forgetting is not quite right...these words that Jesus has spoken to me are pushed to the back of my mind. I'm learning more and more that these are the very things that should be my motivation and encouragement every single day. Yesterday, I was just walking in the Publix parking lot and Jesus reminded me of the above verses. He told me not to forget what He has told me. Talk about a humbling word from Jesus...I somehow made it through the rest of my work day but my mind kept coming back to His words. I realized that I needed to truly examine how I am living my life and commit to focusing more on His words He has spoken to me. Nothing is more precious than hearing the voice of God-what an awesome, amazing gift to be able to hear the God of the universe speak to me. I remember a time when just hearing His voice would bring me to my knees. I want to get back to that awe...I want to spend time remembering all that He has told me. I want to be able to walk in those promises; to practice those things and truly immerse myself in all He has said. I don't want to neglect the gifts He has given me.

Getting close

2009-03-11T09:55:00.005-04:00

I decided to actually do something with my life so I started to volunteer at Beaches Emergency Assistance Ministries in their food pantry. I stumbled on their website and fell head over heels in love! This place is actually being the hands and feet of Jesus in a very tangible way-everything from a free health clinic to a food pantry to free job training, all in the name of Jesus! It's my two loves in life combined (Jesus and social work) and I couldn't be happier! I spend every Tuesday morning there and as much as I love it, every day that I go in my heart is broken for the people I see. My heart hurts when I see how they are hurting. The kids get to me the most; they steal my heart. They are always so excited to be getting food...I try to give them some fun stuff, like cupcakes and chocolate, in addition to all the healthy food :)
Yesterday was an especially tough day. A 19 year old mother came in with her 2 year old little girl; almost the same age as Ashley and Isabella. It felt like my heart was torn out of my chest and I felt so inadequate. As I took her groceries to her car, I had no idea how I was going to make it through this encounter without totally losing it. She began to pour out her story, how she got into this situation and how grateful she was that we were there. She has been on my heart ever since and I've been praying for her like crazy. I don't think I'll ever forget her or her precious baby girl. I think meeting her was God's way of confirming that I am there because He called me there. I've been there less than a month and already my heart has been broken in the best way...I can't wait to see what else God has in store!

It's been a while...

2009-02-11T19:15:00.003-05:00

I'm honored to see what God is doing all around me. Last week, I was in my dorm complaining about the cold. As I was doing that, God spoke to me and told me that there were many of His precious and beloved children were out in the cold without anything to keep them warm. He reminded me of the people I talked to the week before, when I volunteered to help complete the Annual Homeless Census and Survey in Jax Beach. I went to Mission House, located on 5 minutes from the beach, and saw dozens of people lining up for a meal, a shower and clean clothes. I got the privilege to speak with 4 of them- ranging in age from 24 to 78. I was completely humbled by my experience. Knowing I would come up with excuse after excuse to not follow God's leading, I called Mission House right then and there. They were in need of blankets and sweaters to try to keep the people warm. I went to Wal-Mart and bought all the blankets they had on sale. I decided that I could only do so much with my limited college student's budget so I sent out an email to over 100 people from my church and college ministry. The response was amazing!!! I received over 40 sweaters and jackets! The back of my car was packed out! I drove up to the mission and felt totally inadequate. Sure, I was donating sweaters and blankets that day but there is so much more I could be doing everyday.

I've been rereading Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" for the third time. I've decided it's a dangerous thing to do when you're fasting :) My world has been rocked in so many ways- I feel such a discontent with what Western Christianity has to offer the world. I'm trying to decide where this discontent will lead me; for now, I'm earnestly seeking God for his guidance.

I'm currently in the process of becoming a victim's advocate on campus, which I'm so excited about! I'm also considering volunteering at the Mission House, we'll see where it takes me. I just want to do what God is leading me to do, but I know that if I'm sitting on my butt I'm not advancing God's Kingdom.

I'm also saving up for my mission trip to Amsterdam in August. I still need $1,200! God will provide-I'm excited for all that He is doing and will do. I'm learning to trust in His faithfulness and know that He is God!

Love you all! :)

08.09.08

2008-08-09T10:44:00.002-04:00

Since May I've been interning with my church. My role was to help plan and promote this conference that we hosted. I have never felt as stretched as I did these past two days, when we hosted the conference I had been working on for months. It was a huge two days for me. God confirmed His desire for me to be at this church. I left a church I absolutely love, a church I really miss, a church that I thought I would be at for decades, all because I heard God say follow me to this church. This church, a church I had never wanted to go to, a church I didn't even like, a church that I didn't feel like I could grow at. It was a painful process, many times I would talk about it and just start crying. But I obeyed and I trusted that God knew where He wanted me. About a week after I made the switch, I was offered this internship. I took it, because I believe that when God calls me somewhere, He doesn't just call me to sit in a chair every Sunday. So I went from new attendee to intern in just a few weeks. And I am so glad I did it. Even though I spent my summer super busy, stressed out and not really liking my assignments for my internship, these past two days have made it so worth it. I went from a bad attitude on the first day to really loving serving on the second day. I was able to see how some of the people who came were deeply impacted, moved and inspired to really go after God. That was enough for me. If one person was changed and drawn toward the feet of Jesus, this summer has been more than worth it. I was so blessed to have this opportunity, I got to know so many of the staff and some really cool volunteers. I learned to truly submit even I don't understand and I really don't feel like it. All through the conference God has been challenging me with words He spoke to me when I was in DC. I was admiring the World War II memorial when He said,"Katie, are you willing to sacrifice for Me, even when no one notices, when no one shows gratefulness for your work, when no one else will even know of your sacrifice except Me?" I had to really struggle to live up to that these past two days. I had to constantly ask God to keep my mind and heart focused on Him. God is so good and He definitely honors your place of sacrifice. He honored mine when I left my old church, He honored mine when I gave up a not so busy summer to take this internship. The faithfulness He shows to His people is crazy amazing. Living in His will is not always fun but it does always draw you closer to the heart of your Father. And that's all I ever want.

orlando :)

2008-06-23T18:14:00.001-04:00

orlando :)
i got back last sunday night from a ministry trip with my college ministry to orlando. all i can say is wow. we met so many people, did so many things, in three days that i have never felt such a strong pull into ministry as i do now. it made me look at the ways i serve right now and want to do them so much better. getting a chance to talk with the founders of many of the ministries we worked with made me want to pour out my life in serving others everyday.
we got to talk to a woman who was a missionary in panama with ther husband back in the early 90s. they were only there for a few months when Colombian rebels stormed her house and took her husband, along with two other missionaries, into the jungle. they were never seen again. she talked about her crisis of faith. a huge crisis of faith. they were serving God, they were doing God's work, so why had God allowed her life, her future, her family and her ministry to be torn apart? she talked about how she dealt with finding out he was dead and how he died. sitting next to a woman with such great faith was really amazing. when i first saw her, i never would have guessed the story she had to tell, what she has lived through. she said her biggest lesson was realizing that God's love was bigger than her circumstances. circumstances do not change God's love.
we worked with a ministry that works with inner city kids. i'll be the first to admit that i am not too gifted in working with large groups of children but i had fun. i loved the way the volunteers spoke of the children and the love and dedication they showed every week.
that same day we worked with a church that helps rebuild a poverty filled part of Orlando. i was on the team that got to go to every jobsite and see what they needed. in the process of going to the jobsites, we got to hand out the leftovers from the lunch the volunteers got. i talked to prostitutes and little kids. it was quite possibly the coolest thing ever! i got to meet a pastor of a church that was starting the next day and his love for the area was so evident. he never wanted to start a church on 18th street but God had other plans. he was praying and God said that He didn't want another church on 18th street, He wanted THE church on 18th street. what a way to end our time with that church group.
those are just a few of the many things i got to do and be a part of in orlando. and i get to go serve in d.c. in less than a month! i'm so excited and i definitely can't wait to see what God is going to do!

Peru!

2008-06-03T12:09:00.000-04:00

I am in love with Peru...totally. Even though this trip was through school, I kept praying that God would break my heart for the people of Peru and use this experience to do change me. We went into the favellas (the shantytowns) of Lima, the capital city. For miles all around, all I could see were these little huts side by side. I could not forget that those tin roofs represented families who were living in extreme poverty. As we were driving up the mountain, driving through the shantytowns, I saw something that I had not expected. There was this huge cross at the very top of the mountain, at the top of the favellas. I started to realize, to remember, that in this seemingly hopeless place, God is still there. God has not forgotten them, God hears every cry of those beautiful babies that I fell in love with, God cares about their every need. You know how I know He cares? Because He absolutely broke my heart as I saw the poverty and as I stood at the top of the mountain next to that cross. I felt convicted, I could not help but wonder where the church is in all this, where I was in all this. How often do we build monuments to our experiences with God and just stop there? I know God didn't let me go to Peru for no reason. When will we let our experiences with God move us to action in order to bring the Kingdom down to earth? When is the church going to start to live up to its calling? God does not call us to something we cannot attain or accomplish, He'll provide whatever we need. We need to begin to look at our calling as the measure of our potential. When will that cross become food, become blankets, become water for the millions crying out to a higher power everyday? We need to take this cross, this love, that we claim to believe in, and do something about it. Let's make the love of God tangible. The bride of Christ should do no less. I decided to do something about what I saw, I'm sponsoring a child through Compassion. Her name is Maricarmen, she's 15 and I'm so excited to be helping her, praying for her and writing letters to her! So that's what I'm doing and I could not feel more blessed to be given this opportunity :)